Every call has a beginning.
A holy place where a father bows and faithfully accepts the journey set before him
A miraculous morning that unexpectedly dawns…
Casting its first light on a chosen threshold
A gentle knock...
A closed door opens.
A sacred invitation sent by the Father...
Leads to the other side of the world.
Where lonely hearts stare out orphanage windows
Praying for someone to care...
And then one morning,
On an ordinary day
An orphan’s life changes...
God sends them a second chance...
Through you...
~ unknown
Long ago, before we had our boys, we discussed children and how many we wanted to have and what we would do if we found out that we could not have chidlren of our own. During those discussions, we usually focused on having two children and we agreed that we had no qualms about pursuing adoption if we learned one day that it was the path we needed to take. Almost jokingly, at that time, we talked about having a Chinese daughter. When we moved to our current house, we even labeled a box of old Beanie Babies with the label "CW" - which was a code name we had made up for the fictitious Chinese daughter. In the end, though, we had no trouble having our own biological children and our lives became busier and busier as we held down two full-time jobs and cared for our growing boys. After Graham was born in 2008, we had a few fleeting discussions about a third child. Those mostly fizzled quickly, though, due to his seemingly never-ending sleep issues. In the meantime, we grew older and the idea of having a third child just faded away.
During the early fall of 2010, I was sitting at work one day when I had what I can only explain as a random thought about adoption. I began Googling "international adoption" and reading stories about people's experiences adopting children from various countries. Since Justin is half Indian and the boys are 1/4 Indian, I initially began researching adoption from India - thinking that Indian heritage would be something everyone (except me) could share. Justin no doubt thought I was crazy (nothing new to him by this point), but he went along with my research efforts, never said "no," and even went with me to meet with a local agency that has an Indian adoption program. As is the case with intercountry adoptions with some other countries, the process (at least at that time) for Indian adoptions was very much in flux and seemingly constantly changing. So, we laid that idea aside and I began looking at other countries' programs to determine whether those were more feasible, realistic, possible for us. I met and talked with other adoptive parents and began to read blogs and websites and online adoption forums and advocacy sites. Most of these efforts brought China to the forefront. We would occasionally laugh and recall that box of Beanie Babies in the basement, but the idea remained mostly an idea vs. anything concrete. During that same timeframe, I happened to run into a former law school classmate and learned that he and his wife had just returned from China with their daughter. I spoke with them in great detail and began to feel, more and more, that China might be right for us as well.
Life went on, but adoption continued to be in the back (and, more often, front) of my mind. I would let it go for a period of months, but the idea always came back. I found myself more and more drawn to people's stories and to the plight of Chinese orphans. I read books and blogs, studied special needs and health conditions, talked with other parents, talked with agencies, and prayed. Periodically I would annoy Justin with pictures from people's blogs and with stories of people's trips to China.
When my mom received a devastating diagnosis in August 2011, I put adoption to the back of my mind to focus on what needed to be done here. A few months later, when my father-in-law experienced serious health and other issues, our focus was again sharpened toward our current/existing family. I wondered whether these terrible things were "signs" that our focus should only be on the family we already have. But, as time went by and as we faced the reality of losing our parents, we began to think more about what life is really about, what it should be about, what it means, what counts, what matters in the end. The answer, of course, is that what matters is family and love. Did you love your family and others? Did you live a life of love? I saw this quote from a poem written by Mary Oliver and I began to think about it more and more as we watched the lives of those we love slip away: What will you do with your one wild and precious life? That question becomes more focused when you look at the possibility that someone's life might end long before you ever imagined that happening. When I think about how my mom spent her days, I see what I want for my life - no matter how long or short it might be: I want to love and support my family, to love others, to make people happy, to show "proofs of love," and to do good in the world.
So, I did more research on adoption, on Chinese orphanages, on adoption agencies, and on special needs. I sought out families who adopted from China and pumped them for information. I made lists of international adoption doctors and nearby specialists. We spent months and
months and many sleepless nights fretting over the risks, the financial burden,
and all the unknowns that come along with international adoption. We talked and talked and talked. We decided to adopt and then decided against adoption.
We decided that the financial and time burden was too great. Then, as soon as we'd made those "decisions," the idea would resurface and we would talk more. We talked on and off for months and months and months and, ultimately, years... I can honestly say that we have talked and prayed and agonized about adoption more than any other decision we have made during the time we have been married.
Finally, a few days before Christmas 2012, I prayed that I would put the idea of adoption behind me if it was something that wasn't meant for us to pursue. I also prayed that if this was something we are supposed to do, that we would find a way to make things work financially and otherwise.
On Christmas Eve 2012, Justin brought up the issue of adoption. We had a long discussion about what we want to see when we look back at our lives - whenever that time comes. We decided that we want to be able to say that our lives were about love and family and doing good. We decided that we don't want to let fear and worries and "what ifs" dictate our steps. We want to be practical and responsible, but we don't want to regret not having taken a step that we should have taken. We discussed that the fact that this idea keeps coming back to us may be because it is something we are really being called to do. I don't think I've ever made that statement about anything else in my life. We discussed how we want to show our sons what it means to step out on faith -- something we really haven't ever fully done before. We want to show them the importance of doing good and showing love to others. This will be a huge stretch for us - financially and otherwise - but we know that we have been blessed with so many things and we want to give back. We want to gain a daughter and we want to give hope and a loving family to a child who needs those things. So, we crunched more numbers and talked about choices we will have to make and, in the end, decided to go for it and to commit to adopting a Chinese child. We broached the subject to the boys and they embraced it with enthusiasm (we'll see how that shapes up down the road...). They talk about "their sister" and they pray for her. They debate about names for her. They talk about where she will sleep and where she will sit at our table. They see items in stores and ask to buy them for her. They are already showing us what we already knew: that they are going to be wonderful big brothers.
We committed to an agency on January 3, 2013 and officially began the "paper chase." Now we work toward completing our dossier and other required paperwork. Our journey to our daughter has officially begun...
