SAYING NO...
We didn't expect to get a call on the night of the first "special needs" list posting after our LID, but we did. It was a little girl who had some of the special needs we had indicated we would consider in a referral. We had her file reviewed, during the prescribed 72 hour time frame, by two doctors. One was more positive and the other was extremely negative. Eventually, even the more positive of the two doctors told us that there were some very big question marks in her file that - if true - could mean a syndrome with serious developmental disabilities and/or other issues, surgeries, etc... down the road. The orphanage refused to do an additional test to confirm whether these issues truly exist and refused to give us updated weight and other measurements (she had not been growing well at all). It's difficult to understand why they would not be more helpful. After an agonizing three days, we said no to this file - this child. It was very, very, very difficult. We had thoroughly reviewed all available information about her and had looked at her pictures and had tried to imagine holding her little hands, kissing her face, helping her grow...
In the end, I know this was the correct decision for us. As Justin put it, our job is to be like a doctor taking the Hippocratic Oath: "first do no harm" to the children we are already so lucky to have. We know there are always risks with international (or any) adoption and that whichever referral we eventually accept will require great courage and faith to pursue, but we trust that the right child is waiting for us and that when we receive her file, we will know she is the one. Conversations with multiple other adoptive parents have confirmed that they were nervous, but felt "right" about moving forward with the file for their child. Conversations with our agency and with doctors also confirmed that when parents are referred the child who is right for their family, they "know" and can move ahead with excitement (and nervousness) instead of with so much fear.
This is a difficult process for sure... and I think that considering an actual child - a life - a person - must be one of the most difficult phases. Please pray for these precious children and that they will know love and have a chance for a family one day.
