Official Adoption Day

Emily slept all night and woke up about 6:45 this morning.  We had been awake for a while because the horn-honking that seems to make up all traffic here had begun around 5-ish a.m.   She woke up and cried some, but not nearly as much as yesterday.  She wouldn't eat breakfast food, but did drink her bottle and eat some puffs.  She let me dress her and then she warmed up and played stacking cups and repeated some of the things I was saying like "oh no!" or "yea".  Smart girl!   Here she is with the puffs.

 

 

Our guide came at 8:30 to collect our paperwork so that we could walk to the civil affairs office to make the adoption official.  We got there at 8:45 - no air conditioning anywhere and lots of second-hand smoke - and the guide asked the orphanage people to stay in one room so that Emily couldn't see them.  She was doing pretty well with me, so Justin handled the paperwork and I darted in periodically to sign things.  Emily is on the move!  She ran from room to room and tried to pull over the flags of various countries and to perform other acts of destruction.  We took a family picture for the adoption decree (very poor picture of the picture below) and had her passport photo taken.  We were finally finished around 10 a.m. and then were told that her passport picture would not "pass" scrutiny because she looked "too white" against the white background.  What??   This new development meant a 30 minute ride downtown to another government building in which there were easily 300+ people.  The line for a new passport picture was about 100 deep.  We waited 2.5 hours for the picture and then had to do about 20 tries because she was not looking straight ahead, closed her eyes for the bright flash, etc...etc... I had literally sweated through my clothes by that point.  We then waited another hour for the picture to be developed before getting in another line to complete the passport application process.  By almost 1 p.m., Emily was DONE.  She was tired and hungry and sweaty and mad.  Since we thought we would only be gone an hour, I had packed only a package of puffs and some water.  She ate most of the puffs and threw the other ones all over the floor.  She didn't care for much water and spilled a good bit down my already-wet shirt.  I let her feed me puffs with her dirty hands that had been all over everything all morning and carried her inside and outside and sang songs to try to keep the peace.  Although we have been second-guessing our decision to keep the boys at home, today was enough to convince us they were far better off having fun with family at home than melting with us and an unhappy toddler for hours in a packed building.  In good news, she was great in the van (although every ride is a harrowing experience otherwise).  She's finally napping now.  My arms and back may never be the same.  Although I play with and sometimes pick up big boys, I am not used to holding 30 pounds for 4 straight hours!!  Luckily, she does already come to me and look for me.  She is not afraid of Justin, but would prefer me to hold her.  She made some funny faces at us to make us laugh and put a bowl on top of my head and thought that was the funniest thing in the world.  She is calling me "mama," but I'm not sure if she means mother or just a term of endearment for a lady who takes care of her.  Still - it's a good sign.  Our guide commented that she is doing well with me.  This is hard, hard work - but it will be worth it in the end. 

Not many pictures from today since our hands were full all morning. (sorry some are sideways - not sure how to fix that from here)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last post from first day

She cried herself to sleep and then we woke her up for supper about an hour later.  She didn't want to eat, but did drink two bottles.  We decided to try going for a walk outside since there is a nice breeze and she loves being outdoors.  She enjoyed the walk and we even got a couple of tiny smiles.  LOTS of stares, but that's OK.  She's a beautiful girl!  And she is BIG!!  She will be 18 months old later this week and I bet the 24 month clothes I brought are going to be snug.  She has been well-fed for sure!!She cried more when we skyped with the boys later.  I think she was overwhelmed and exhausted.  J and G were very interested in her and it was so great to see them - even if just by computer screen.  We miss them so much!  Emily finally let me wash her with warm washcloths and she let me change her clothes.  She was either totally worn out or really did enjoy a nice leg and foot massage and a bedtime book with Daddy.  She just laid there quietly while I rubbed her feet.  When I'd stop, she'd put her feet back into my hands.   Sweet girl knew how to get more of what she wanted.  :)  She is sleeping peacefully now, but I won't be surprised by more tears tonight or by morning.  She was well loved and she loved a lot in return.

A part of the video from when we first met her in the lobby of the hotel.  She was happily playing around with her balloon and the revolving door until they told her "here is Mama and Baba."

We have our girl!!

She arrived a little bit early - 3:30 instead of 4 p.m. - so we stopped the in-room pacing and went to the lobby.  She was with the people from her orphanage and was toddling all over the lobby playing with a balloon.  She wanted to go outside, but the street outside the hotel is pretty busy.   She was having fun until they told her to go to Mama and Baba ("daddy" in Chinese).  She then shook her head "NO!" and tried to run away (this girl is big and strong and is a very good runner!!). We all took her outside and the orphanage people made the decision for us to hold her while they bolted.  She was not happy at all.  She screamed and screamed and pulled from us.  We took her up to the room and she kept repeating the same words - but our guide said they were of a local dialect with which she was not familiar.  I don't know whether she was calling for her people or demanding to go outside or what.  She went to the window in our hotel room and sobbed and sobbed.  If I backed away, she came to me, but it had nothing to do with me at all.  She just wanted someone there.  I finally put her in the crib to see if she wanted to look around and she laid down and sobbed until she fell asleep.  She missed her nap because of the car ride here from her orphanage (during which the orphanage people said she was looking excitedly out of the car windows).  Poor little one is sad and worn out and confused and mad.  We are going to let her sleep for about an hour while we order room service and then will wake her up to eat and maybe try a bath before attempting a "real" bedtime.  She is very big and strong and the crib is small and has low sides.   I think it's fine for a nap, but I don't trust it for nighttime because she could climb out.  She may sleep between us tonight.   I hope she wakes up feeling a little better. 

The orphanage cut her hair into a shorter "bowl" cut in the back, but she is really beautiful!  Her eyes are a beautiful blue and she is smart smart smart!  She knew exactly what to do with books and blocks and a container of yogurt puffs.  In good news, she also sees and picks up very small things and things without a lot of contrast in color (good news for her sight-wise).  She also loves being outside.  She easily weighs the 25 pounds they told us about in her last report.  Her feet are TINY though.  :) 

Here are the pictures! More later when she is hopefully happier.  We can't wait for her big brothers to wake up and see these pictures of their new little sister!!

though. 

Some pictures from our explorations today (pre-Emily trek through city of Nanchang):

First Day...

We enjoyed a "western style" buffet breakfast at the hotel which included eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, pancakes, dumplings, fried rice, yogurt, and a variety of other things.  We didn't eat it all, but it was good.  We then met our guide to go to the bank to exchange money.   After that, she helped us buy bottled water and then we went off exploring on our own.  We stayed on the main road, but saw lots of people out and about.  There is a pretty square down from our hotel (August 1st (from 1927 uprising)) monument and park and there are dancing fountains, pretty flowers, lots of open space with people flying kites, eating, walking, etc...  We are the only Americans we've seen here, but nobody stared too much (although some teenaged boys yelled out "hello there!" and then giggled together when we turned to look).  Our guide told us that Nanchang is "very Chinese" as opposed to the big, international cities in China.  Not many people here speak English (but they do at the Starbucks), but they have all been very nice to us.   Lots of cell/smartphone stores and street vendors, little storefronts, etc...  There are lanes for people to drive in, but it seems that people just honk loudly (whether on moped or in car or bus) and go where they want to go - including up onto the sidewalk.   We've just tried to stay with the crowd and move when it does. 

We had lots of nervous energy, so we also went to the "gymnasium" of the hotel and ran on the treadmills.  Probably defeating the exercise effort because there was lots of second-hand smoke wafting in from a lounge on the same floor...

Our hotel is very nice and the room is set up with a crib and a baby tub and a stroller. 

Emily comes to us in less than one hour.  We're so nervous - but we know that's probably nothing compared to how she is feeling.  Thank you for your prayers and good wishes.   More later assuming I can get into the blog. 

Landed in China!

Finally at hotel after 30 hours of flying, airport sitting due to flight delays to province, and harrowing taxi rides.  The guide tells us Nanchang is "very Chinese" and not like the international cities of Shanghai, Beijing, etc... not many English signs here - but we did see Walmart, KFC & Starbucks.  The hotel had a crib, baby tub & stroller waiting for us.  After about 5 hours of sleep - after 30 hours of being awake (ugh) - we are getting ready to check the breakfast buffet, to meet our guide to exchange money, to get a few more waters & provisions at Wal-Mart, and then come back to wait for "EJ" - as Daddy has already nicknamed Emily Jean.  She comes to us this afternoon (while all are sleeping in the US). 

Thoughts before we leave...

I guess because we were quiet about our adoption plans during my mom's final illness, some in our family were really shocked by our news.  I guess it is/was shocking.  We have 5 and 7 year old boys.  Our lives are as "stable" as they could be, I suppose.  We've sort of been rocking along in the same boat for quite a while, in a groove/routine...  We had no trouble having children.  So, I guess it is a shock to say that we are now planning to head to the other side of the world for a daughter. 

Maybe not everyone realizes that we began discussing this four years ago.  And during those four years, we've spent hours and hours and hours reading and reviewing medical information and blogs, talking to other adoptive parents, talking to social workers and agency representatives, researching special needs, running financial spreadsheets, reading book after book, taking online parenting and Chinese cultural courses, and hoping and praying to make the right decisions.  We've spent MANY frustrating hours compiling and completing paperwork, getting documents notarized and sealed and authenticated, driving from courthouses to the Secretary of State's office and back, copying and mailing at Kinkos and Fed Ex locations, cleaning the house wildly for home-study visits, writing our (required) autobiographies, talking to the boys about adoption, reviewing information and charts and timelines.  And, we've spent hours agonizing over files of children - each one incredibly precious and deserving of a family -  to try to determine - with the assistance of doctors and specialists - whether we had the resources and ability to say "yes" to adopting them.  This adoption - while shocking to some - has been the most planned-for and thought out thing that we've ever done.

 

During these years of preparing for adoption, I've learned a lot about not only the process, but about who adopts.  There are many different reasons why people choose adoption.  And although what leads people to the process in the first place seems to vary, what is a constant in the "adoption world" is that people are forever changed by what they learn and see about orphans and by the faces they meet and leave behind.  Another constant is incredible LOVE these families have for children and how they joyfully sacrifice and share to be able to make a better life for a child who just needs love and a family.

I don't know that I would have ever come to the idea of adoption if I didn't grow up in and now share a wonderful family.  My parents didn't adopt, but they loved us fiercely.  As a long-time high school coach, my dad served as a surrogate dad and as a coach, mentor, and friend to hundreds of young men.  He loved his players and he did all he could to teach them not only how to play football, but how to be men of character and integrity.  He also loved us and loved my mom - especially evident after her diagnosis with hideous cancer - more than anything.  My mom also loved us and spent her life trying to help and serve others.  She cared for struggling plants, little animals, children, and she served and cared for - through sending packages, cards, notes, and prayers - hundreds and hundreds of U.S. soldiers.  She showed me and my sister how to be a mom and, although I can't ever measure up to her benchmark, I had the very best model to help me try. 

 

I have two of the most awesome boys in the world!!  Jackson - my very first baby - and the boy who made me a mom - is my special loving, caring, empathetic, giant brown-eyed one.  He sees and feels everything and never wants others to be sad.  He has the memory of an elephant and can learn song lyrics, movie lines, spelling words, etc... in a matter of minutes.  He has already drawn up "plans" for where we will all lay down on his bedroom floor to cuddle at night and for how he will hold and sing to his little sister.  She is going to love having a biggest brother like Jackson. 

 

And my "baby Graham" - as his teachers used to call him... is the most snuggly, huggy, kissy, sweetest (usually) boy in the whole world!  We got off to a crazy start since he wouldn't sleep - FOR YEARS!!  But, I wouldn't trade my years of holding him in a chair, curling up with him on a tiny crib mattress on the floor, being called by him throughout the night, and 5 years of little and crazy sleep - for anything. :)  He is so curious about nature and loves to be a little helper with food, cleaning, fixing "hurt spots," and growing vegetables and flowers.  He will finally get the chance to be not just a little brother, but a big brother too!! Emily Jean is going to be one doted-upon little sister!

I've always known that adoption was my dream - and not something Justin would likely have ever thought up on his own.  But, among the things that makes him a great husband and father (and I definitely should say this to and about him MUCH more often and I have very much fallen short by not having done that), is that he loves me enough to help make my dream come true.  That's not to say he hasn't been (and isn't still) worried and nervous about what we're doing, whether it will disrupt our delicate balance of work and home-life, the finances involved, and how we'll make it all work.  But, he's still willing to take the leap of faith/plunge with me.   This isn't quite what we pictured, projecting out 10 years, when we relaxed on the beach in St. John on our honeymoon in 2004, but hopefully it will be a great way to celebrate 10 years of our family.

And so we leave in one week to get our Emily Jean...  Some people say she is lucky and maybe there is something to that -- up to a point.  Maybe she is lucky that her orphanage decided to ready her "file" for adoption - since they don't do that for every child in orphanage care.  But, I think that's where the "lucky" part ends.  Really, what she is now is someone who has to be brave and who has to be willing to say goodbye to everything and everyone she has ever known and who has to allow her little heart to be open to love and accept other people...people who don't look like or smell like or talk like or sound like anybody who has ever cared for her.  Her little almost-18-month-old self has to overcome confusion and grief and be open to embrace a whole new life.  That's a lot to ask of anyone!  Yes - it is a better life than being in an orphanage.  But, we know that although orphanage life is not ideal, she has been loved.  Her caregiver has held her and loved her and cared for her.  She has dressed her in warm clothes during cold winters and has made sure she had sunglasses and a hat to wear outside (especially important for a child with albinism).  She has showed Emily our picture album and - hopefully - told her about us.  This transition and this trip is going to be difficult for Emily.  So, is she "lucky?"  I don't think so.  I think she is a survivor and someone who is brave way beyond her years.  If anyone is "lucky" here, it's us!