On the night I wrote the "nothing to report" post, we received a call for a tiny little child in a very, horribly poor orphanage in Southern China.  I had seen a note on a Facebook group that this child would be returned to the list on Thursday and I debated about mentioning this information to our agency person and typed and deleted the e-mail several times before sending.  She indicated that she would look for this child.  Around 9:15 that night, she called.  She had just refreshed her computer and this child's file appeared.  The child was very malnourished and behind developmentally - but so precious.  Her videos made me cry because they only further showed her dismal circumstances.  I researched her orphanage and found blog posts from others who had been there.  Babies are in plywood cribs 22-23 hours a day and there are 1-2 workers to every 40-45 babies.  She had never been given a chance to do much other than to lie in her crib.  No wonder her only listed milestone was "staring at her hands."  Heartbreaking.  Doctors' cautioned us about her and we were very worried.  We know that all children in orphanages will be delayed and will not have had the stimulation that most children have.  We also know that children in orphanages are almost always much, much tinier than the developmental charts.  Still, we have to first consider the children we already have and what we can realistically do with two people working full-time jobs and with two children who are already here.  By the end of our 72-hour period, we realized that we just could not get to a place of feeling that this precious baby was meant to be our girl.  When we started this process, we knew that we might one day be at a point where we would decide that we could not move forward with a child based upon information in the referral file.  It is one thing to "know" that it might happen and another thing to go through the process of looking at a child's face and information and then to say no.  She broke our hearts.   

I wish more people knew of the conditions endured by many of the worlds' orphans.  I looked at our basement full of toys and wished I could ship them out to be used in places like this that have nothing but a hard concrete floor, plywood cribs, and rooms without any toys.  I wish I could go hold the babies and quiet their cries.  Heartbreakingly, some don't even cry because they have long since realized that nobody is coming to answer their cries.  

 

I know this little one will find her family - especially because she is very young and is so very beautiful and she has a listed special need that a lot of families very much want to consider.  I will pray for her to find the family who will immediately feel that she is meant to be their girl.  I know they are out there waiting for her.

Nothing to report...  No call for us in December or from the January 20th shared list.   It's difficult not to be frustrated by the reports of "tiny" lists.  There are so many children who need homes and seemingly a lot of families ready and waiting.  Hopefully the kinks in the system will be worked out soon and larger lists posted and more children matched -- including our daughter to us...

 

In the meantime, I am thankful for my awesome, sweet, special boys. 

They are our greatest gifts. 

As I tell them every night: I love them more than anything in all the world!

 

 

SAYING NO...

We didn't expect to get a call on the night of the first "special needs" list posting after our LID, but we did.  It was a little girl who had some of the special needs we had indicated we would consider in a referral. We had her file reviewed, during the prescribed 72 hour time frame, by two doctors.  One was more positive and the other was extremely negative.  Eventually, even the more positive of the two doctors told us that there were some very big question marks in her file that - if true - could mean a syndrome with serious developmental disabilities and/or other issues, surgeries, etc... down the road.  The orphanage refused to do an additional test to confirm whether these issues truly exist and refused to give us updated weight and other measurements (she had not been growing well at all).  It's difficult to understand why they would not be more helpful.  After an agonizing three days, we said no to this file - this child.  It was very, very, very difficult.  We had thoroughly reviewed all available information about her and had looked at her pictures and had tried to imagine holding her little hands, kissing her face, helping her grow... 

In the end, I know this was the correct decision for us.  As Justin put it, our job is to be like a doctor taking the Hippocratic Oath: "first do no harm" to the children we are already so lucky to have.  We know there are always risks with international (or any) adoption and that whichever referral we eventually accept will require great courage and faith to pursue, but we trust that the right child is waiting for us and that when we receive her file, we will know she is the one.  Conversations with multiple other adoptive parents have confirmed that they were nervous, but felt "right" about moving forward with the file for their child.  Conversations with our agency and with doctors also confirmed that when parents are referred the child who is right for their family, they "know" and can move ahead with excitement (and nervousness) instead of with so much fear. 

This is a difficult process for sure... and I think that considering an actual child - a life - a person - must be one of the most difficult phases.  Please pray for these precious children and that they will know love and have a chance for a family one day.

LID – 9/16/13!

This means that all of our paperwork/dossier/items are now "logged in" to the system and that we are eligible to receive a call with a referral for a child when the next "shared list" is published.  (In order to receive what is called an "LID-only" file (usually considered to be more minor special needs/younger children), you must first have your dossier "logged in".  There are other children who are considered "special focus."  Families do not have to already be "logged in" to submit a Letter of Intent for "special focus" children.   We are open to needs that might be considered both "LID-only" and "special focus," but we - and our agency - thought that the best chance for us to be matched was to be "LID" first.  So, now we wait - hopefully for the October list!

 

INSPIRATION FOR OUR JOURNEY:

 

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.

I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.
I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.”

― Mary Oliver

 

 

 

 

 

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails."

- Mark Twain

 

“When you are in the final days of your life, what will you want?
Will you hug that college degree in the walnut frame? Will you ask to be carried to the garage so you can sit in your car? Will you find comfort in rereading your financial statement? Of course not. What will matter then will be people.

If relationships will matter most then, shouldn't they matter most now?”

- Max Lucado

 

 

A few more steps completed...

A cute little thing for her room.

NY Consulate Authentication - done!

Nine documents to Chinese Consulate in Houston!

Moving along a little bit... 

I took 9 documents to be sealed by the Georgia Secretary of State.

I also received this message today from our social worker:

Hi Lee Ann! I just wanted to let you know that I submitted your home study for review today.