TWO MONTHS with our girl

In some ways, it seems like much longer, but Emily has officially been part of our family for two months today.  Two nervous people wondered out of an elevator on the afternoon of June 29th and saw a little toddler with a tight ponytail on top of her head running around the lobby in hot pursuit of a small green balloon.  She was everything we expected and nothing like what we expected all at once.  We knew - from pictures - that she could walk and talk and we knew that she enjoyed being outside (since almost all of the pictures we received after submitting our "Letter of Intent" for her showed her outside).  We also knew that she had a good bit of hair (many children in orphanages have their heads shaved regularly to help with outbreaks of lice) and that it was usually styled in a tight ponytail on top of her head.  What we didn't know was that she is feisty and funny and smart as a whip and that she has a very happy personality.  We didn't know how tightly she could squeeze when she hugs you and we didn't know how she can pucker her lips to give kisses.  We didn't know that she loves music and dancing and loves to make people laugh.  We didn't know that she likes to go fast on ride-on toys or in strollers.  We didn't know how much she loves water - whether in pools, tubs, sinks, or fountains.  We didn't know that she loves to play dress-up (mostly in her big brothers' clothes!!).  We didn't know that she loves animals.  We didn't know that she would learn almost a new word a day and that her great ability to imitate what she sees helps her learn all kinds of things much faster than we ever expected.  We didn't know that she could make her voice very high and soft and then answer the telephone (or try) with a low-pitched loud "HELLO" like a parrot. 

 

But, now we do... 

 

Now that we've had two months with her, we know these things and more.  We know the little lines and dimples in her fingers and toes.  We know how soft her skin feels.  We know how her hair only wants to part on one side.  We know how her chubby arms feel when wrapped around our necks.  We know how her bottom lip pouts out before she cries.  We know that she loves having brothers and we see that they can't wait for her to wake up in the morning or for her to come pick them up from school. 

 

But, best of all, we know what it feels like to love her and

 - I really believe -

to be loved by her in return. 

 

She is everything we hoped for and dreamed about and MORE.  We are so grateful for the relative ease of her transition into our family.  Except for not wanting to sleep alone (which can be very trying and tough and I'm praying daily for more patience), she is doing amazingly well.  All professionals who have examined or evaluated her agree that she is developmentally on target- which is not typical for international adoptees at this stage.  We are so thankful and so happy that she is doing as well as she is. Sometimes, when I'm walking through the yard with her and we are holding hands, I can't believe that my dream of adopting a little one from China has come true - and that she is this little amazing and wonderful person standing beside me and calling me "mama."  And when I see my boys rushing into her room for kisses in the morning and proudly showing her to their friends and teachers and announcing, "this is my new little sister Emily," my heart is so full.  Jackson was asked to tell his second grade class his favorite part of summer vacation and he said, "adopting my sister from China!" :)  I walked into Graham's room the other night and found this note that he had apparently written while sitting at his desk:

 

 One "big" part of the past few weeks has been getting glasses for Emily.  I wrote about her first visit to the eye doctor and, a few days later, we received her new glasses.  Pretty cool purple frames that she "picked"!  So far, she will wear them most of the time.  She occasionally rips them off if she is sweaty (she is a little bit of a sweat-er) or if she's in the car.  I can usually distract her by putting something into her hands and quickly pulling the glasses back over her head.  I think she seems to see better with them on, but time will tell.  We also had an evaluation done at home by the Center for the Visually Impaired.  It went very well and the social worker/vision specialist was impressed with her abilities and progress.  We will have a functional vision evaluation done there in mid-September, but the person who came to our house thought that the results of that should be good - given what she saw here.  She also noted that Emily seemed very comfortable and happy at home.  That made me feel good and I was really pleased to hear her words.  I think Emily functions like any other child.  She goes room to room, she feeds herself (even using spoons and forks), she plays with toys, she enjoys looking at books, she can put her brothers' tiny Legos together, she sees and recognizes people in pictures, she has no problem walking or playing or climbing ladders, etc...  I recently watched a webinar on albinism and vision that was created by NOAH (national group for persons with albinism) and it very much reassured me about Emily's vision.  It may not be like mine, but it is fine and her limitations - particularly "in this day and age"- are really very few.  The Center for the Visually Impaired evaluator also told me to ignore doctors who say that a 1 year old will never drive.  She said she has seen plenty of people with low vision with whom she has worked obtain their driver's licenses and technology is ever-changing and there is no way to predict now what driving may look like in 15 years. 

 

So - there we are...  Other than that the sleep situation can be tedious and I can't really get anything done during the day and the house is a perpetual wreck (not so much new there), things are really, really good and Emily is a beautiful, wonderful, funny, loving, amazing addition to our family.  She was so worth the wait and crazy paperwork - and there are SO MANY CHILDREN LIKE HER who just need a chance and a family to help give them hope and a future.  This was a HUGE leap of faith for us, but I am so glad that we didn't let fear hold us back.  Emily was well cared for at her orphanage, but an orphanage is not a family.  The love of a family is something every child deserves.  We are so happy to have been given the chance to be Emily's family.

And now for some pictures of Emily in August:

 

Splash park with awesome brothers:

   

 

Reading books:

 

Waking up and going to sleep with brothers by her side:

 

Loving her pets:

 

More fun outside and with brothers and toys (she chose to wear her brother's ninja turtle socks...):

 

Taking brothers to school on their first days of second grade and kindergarten:

 

Waiting to go her favorite place - OUTSIDE:

 

Modeling her cool purple glasses:

 

Shopping at Target (and eating the Pirate Booty almost before I could pay!!):

 

This girl loves water - sink, tub, pool - doesn't matter to her!

 

Swinging with brothers:

 

Watching birds with Daddy:

 

More fun at the zoo:

 

 Playing dress-up:

 

 

EMILY JEAN

1 Month Home - the love of brothers - and first eye exam

OUR "ONE MORE PIECE" - HOME ONE MONTH

We have been home from China one month now and have had Emily for 45 days as of today.  She is blossoming and growing and somehow, during the past two weeks, has just started feeling like part of the group vs. more of a visitor.  She knows her way around the house now.  She goes from room to room chattering and playing.  She knows how to follow us to the kitchen or up the stairs.  She knows where the toys are and which kitchen cabinets have pots or bowls or playthings for her.  She knows which (closed) boxes contain her brothers’ tiny Legos (and she points to these boxes and yells, “no, no, no!” because that’s all she hears when she approaches the Legos when brothers are playing!).  She knows where the dog sleeps and where to look for the cats under our bed.  She knows where the blocks are kept and where her dolls and books are.  She also knows just how to sit down on a stool near the TV, hold up a remote, and act like she is turning on a show.  She yells “hello” whenever a phone rings in the house.  Instead of screaming as the dog approaches her highchair, she now grins and purposely hands food from her tray right into his mouth.  She runs to the door when she hears a car pulling into the garage.  She dances around when brothers are in view.  She bangs on the door to the basement when she wants to play downstairs.  She opens cabinets to get out food.  She yells "Cracker!" every time we put her in her car seat (have I bribed her with too many Goldfish??).  She dives and rolls all over the mattress on the floor next to her crib.  She jumps into the beanbag chair.  She helps put out dog and cat food.  She unrolls the toilet paper from the rolls in the bathroom.  She eats off of all of our plates.  She has just become one of us. 

She laughs and plays with us and she holds her own with her almost 6 and almost 8-year-old brothers.  She isn’t afraid to tell them “no!” if they squeeze too hard when they try to pick her up.  And she isn’t afraid to approach an untucked shirt, pull it up, and blow a raspberry onto the available stomach!  She has pulled all of the throw blankets from the back of the sofa and has made a little pile/pad of her own where she puts her dolls, books, muffin tins and whatever other treasures she has pulled from around the house.  If you dare try to put a blanket back in its place, she pulls it back down and sits on it.  She loves to ride in the car and the stroller and to play in the yard with balls or ride-on toys.  She loves to go to Target (good thing since she is my daughter!).  She loves sidewalk chalk and has learned to scribble pretty well with crayons and markers.  She wants whatever food anyone else is eating and sends big boys running for the hills if they try to have a special treat without sharing with her.  She dances, she sings, she claps, she yells “yea” when she “scores” a goal by putting a ball into a bucket or trashcan or something similar to her brothers’ basketball goals.  She repeats whatever we say and has already learned (just turned 19 months old) about 25 English words to speak – and responds to even more.   All in all, she is just the perfect fit for our family.  It is getting more and more difficult to even imagine life without her.

Among my thousands of worries going into this process was how it would impact the boys.  I didn't want to do anything that would be detrimental to them.  I knew an adoption - just like any new addition to a family - would be something new and different and would disrupt our scheduled lives.  I hoped and prayed that our new child would bring more love to our family and that the boys would understand that our attention would be divided three ways vs. two and that we couldn't always "drop" our new child's needs in favor of theirs and would understand that we'd have more time at home and maybe not immediately be able to do all of the family things we did before.  I scoured blogs for information on how people's existing children reacted to the adoption and fared after the adoption.  I cried hard the night before we left for China because I was worried about what might lie ahead for our family. 

And where did we end up and how are the boys?  They are IN LOVE with their new sister!  They want to hold her and help her and take her hand.  They want to feed her bottle to her in the morning.  They strip down (probably not a good idea, but I've allowed it so far) to stuff themselves into the bathtub with her.  They help her dress.  They (who have never voiced an opinion about their own clothes) choose her outfits and hair bows.  They talk about how cute she is and laugh at her antics and they try to engage her and to make her laugh and dance.  They've taught her to "score" a basket in a make-shift just-her-size basketball goal.  They've taught her to kick a ball.  They cheer for her sports accomplishments.  They've taught her how to crawl up the stairs and to go down stairs on her bottom to be safer.  They warn me if she has a toy (or anything else!) in her mouth.  They have even foregone some play dates to "stay with Emily."  They were invested in this process and I think they "get" it and that they understand that there are so many children (estimates are 150 MILLION - yes - MILLION - worldwide) who need homes and a chance at life in a family.  Just as ours have (a la "The Grinch" - :)), their hearts have grown several sizes bigger this summer. 

Some pictures of brotherly love in action:

And with our one month "anniversary," we had our first eye exam for Emily.  A three-hour appointment (total insanity with a 1 1/2 year old!!) that left me feeling a little bit sad.  My feelings don't make sense, but they were real.  I was dreading the appointment because we are AMAZED every day at Emily's abilities and intellect and humor and grasp of English.  She can do SO MUCH.  I didn't want this appointment to burst my bubble about how well she is doing. It was my own craziness leading to such thoughts.  She is - of course - the same amazing, smart, funny, loving little girl AFTER the eye exam as she was before.  I just wanted to believe that her vision might be better than it is and, to be honest, I didn't want anybody to tell me that it wasn't as good as it seems (even though the way it "seems" is her normal way of functioning and it's so good that most people wouldn't have any idea that her vision wasn't/isn't totally normal).  I didn't love the ophthalmologist and felt he was a little condescending and "pitying" - as if I had no clue that she had albinism and that along with that condition, comes come vision issues.  He began by telling me that her vision was not normal.  I stifled a "no kidding" comment and listened further.  He said that she has nystagmus (eye movement) (which I already knew and which is very common in children with albinism) and that she had "significant" refractive errors and a "significant prescription" for glasses.  This is not necessarily any big news either.  The vision issues typically caused by albinism are not necessarily correctable with glasses.  Astigmatism (refractive error) - which many people have - with or without albinism - can be corrected.  So, I guess I'm glad that he thinks that with this "significant prescription," she may have much clearer vision.  He then told me that 15 years from now, "she likely will never drive a car."  Again - no big news.  We knew this was a possibility.  But, when we considered her file and researched albinism, we decided that we would not worry about 15-16 years out.  Technology is advancing all the time (as it happens, there was an article about the debut of self-driving cars in the Delta "Sky" magazine I read in route to China) and, depending upon where you live, driving is or is not a big deal.  When Justin lived in NYC, he hardly ever drove.  Where we live now, everybody does drive. I just found it slightly annoying that the doctor acted as if I'd done no research on this "need" and had no clue about possibilities or should feel sad about a "significant prescription."  Nope.  Just want to be sure that we're doing all we can for her so that she can benefit from whatever aids or accommodations will help her achieve her full potential -- which I think is going to be pretty "significant" itself!  I told the boys about the appointment and their response put me back in the right frame of mind.  Their view:  "she is beautiful and smart and we can always be her eyes."  I like the way they think.  So - next pictures will probably show her cool new purple glasses (assuming they come in on time).  We'll also have an assessment done by the local center for visually impaired in order to get a good idea of what she might need school-wise - even at her young age.  We are "on it" and will do whatever we can to help her.