First Beach Trip

After almost 11 months with Emily, we finally took our first vacation as a family of five.  No real reason for waiting this long other than that last summer was consumed by the trip to China and, since then, we've been busy with school and work.  Boys/Dad went to D.C. for spring break (not really a trip for a 2 year old), so this was our first time away as a group.  And, it was AWESOME!

She was so easy (other than sleeping the pack-and-play all night - but, at this point, what ev...) and LOVED the water, the sand, and the little pool.  She loved the shells and sand toys and exploring. She made friends at the playground and she roamed around the beach restaurants.  It was such a great get-away for all of us.  She called the place where we stayed our "trip house" and, even since we've come home, whenever we all get in the car, she yells "Off to our TRIP!"  She was so excited to go somewhere and she didn't even mind the 4-5 hour car ride.  She navigated the new setting without any issues and didn't seem at all thrown off or disturbed that we weren't home or that she wasn't in her house or in her bed.  SUCH a different girl than the one who flew home from China with us last July!  Now, instead of harboring vague worry about how she'll do at Disney World in a couple of months, we're just excited about another family trip. 

She knows sunscreen (she calls it "sun cream") is part of her daily routine and she even reminds me about it if I forget (on a rainy day).  She wore a long-sleeved rashguard swimsuit at the beach and it was great.  We didn't use sunscreen underneath it (it was SPF 50+).  We only had to worry about re-applying sunscreen to her lower legs and feet (much easier than worrying about moving straps or missing a spot somewhere).  She wore her hat (very low on her head to "lock" it on in the wind) almost the entire time at the beach and never took her sunglasses off.  It was very easy to protect her from the sun. 

Now for the camera dump...  :)

LOVING the beach!

 

Our Wild and Precious Life with Emily

I recently did a "guest post" (see link below) on the awesome international adoption blog/website called "No Hands But Ours."  For anyone considering adoption (particularly from China), this site is a must-read!  You can find factual information and links to medical and other websites regarding a whole host of special  needs.  Even better, there are family stories and blog links so that you can see what it is really like - in a day-to-day/"real life" way - to be a family to a child with a certain special need.  There are also links to families' blogs who are in China to get their children (always fun to follow along). 

Even if we don't adopt again, I want to serve as a resource for other families who might be - as we once were - searching for more information about albinism.  I'm always happy to talk to anyone about albinism and Emily and what this "need" looks like for our family.  I'm so glad we said "yes!"

http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2015/05/19/one-wild-and-precious-life-adopting-a-child-with-albinism/  

 

Being Memorable is a GIFT!

I recently read this post (see link) on ScaryMommy and I loved it! 
http://www.scarymommy.com/why-i-learned-to-love-being-albino/

It's very true that persons with albinism stand out.  We've been going to the same pediatricians' office (a large practice) for the past almost 9 years, but it wasn't until we started bringing Emily there last summer that anybody remembered us.  In part, this is good because it means that we've rarely been there with the boys and that they've always been pretty healthy.  The other reason why we've never been very memorable is because, while we surely think that our boys are really handsome kids, they don't stand out in the way that Emily does.  People don't forget her.  The same sort of thing happens when we go to Target or to the grocery store or to watch the boys' soccer games.  People call out "Hi Emily!" or "there she is!"  They remember her because her white hair makes her stand out from the crowd.

Some in the albinism families group note that their children are sometimes ridiculed for their white hair.  Thankfully, we have not had that happen yet.  There are plenty of young children in the U.S. with white-blonde hair.  It's not all that unusual.  There are also plenty of adults who pay to have a lot at salons to have white-blonde hair!  Most of the people who meet us just say something like "what beautiful blonde hair!"  I'll take that.  It's a positive comment. 

The fact is that Emily will always stand out in some way.  She is distinctive looking (and beautiful - if I do say so myself).  Her skin will never tan (and we'll do our best to make sure it never burns) and her hair will never darken like most people's does over time.  People will remember her because of how she looks.

Like the blog points out, that can be a source of concern for a teenager who just wants to blend in, but I hope that we can instill in Emily the overall message of the blog post.  The message is that she is memorable.  And, being memorable can mean that you use the fact that you stand out from the crowd to mean something more than just being memorable because you have albinism.  Rather, it can be that people remember her (initially, for her looks) because of her heart and her mind or for her kindness and generosity or for her wit or for her good work in the world. 

I also love that the blog post doesn't limit this ability to stand out to people who have albinism.  You can be memorable because of ANYTHING that makes you stand out from the crowd: your gorgeous red hair, your height, your cute freckles, your petite stature, your height, your curls, your singing voice, your dimples, etc...  Once you are memorable for some reason, then use that to make people remember not JUST how you look, but something even better! 

I'd love it if Emily can look back one day and feel the way the author of this blog post does...that being memorable is a GIFT.  I want her to feel that having albinism gave her the initial ability to be noticed and remembered, but that because of how she lives her life, what really lasts in people's minds is her spirit, heart, and mind. 

 

What Will You Do? What Will I Do?

When we started talking seriously about adoption - after having discussed it for a couple of years - I kept coming back to this quote:

It's from a poem by Mary Oliver and I think it's a very powerful question to ask yourself.  My answer to the question was that I wanted to do something MORE with my one wild and precious life and with our family's one wild and precious life.  I wanted us to give another life - a CHILD's life - a chance.  A chance to be loved and to be cherished and to be safe and to be part of a family.

 

Now that we've adopted Emily and that she has become a part of our family, I'm still asking that question.  And I'm not sure of the answer.  Many people who have adopted say that they are forever changed by what they saw in the orphanages.  One writer/pastor put it this way:

“Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. 

But once you do, everything changes.” 

-David Platt

But, we didn't "see their faces" in the same sense that many adoptive families do.  There were no other children at Emily's orphanage.  No faces starting at us from cribs or little chairs.  No crying, no sad eyes, no babies sitting in silence, no children suffering in understaffed and poorly maintained places.  To the contrary, Emily was happy at her orphanage and was loved.  There was a lot of laughter there.  There was a garden and lots of sunlight and there were smiles and there was an evident camaraderie among the residents and staff.  It was not at all what we expected.  So, we weren't impacted IN China like so many other families have been.  Still, as we've stayed in touch with adoptive families, stayed active in Facebook and other adoption groups, and as we've followed other families' journeys, we've seen the faces.  We've seen the sad eyes.  We've seen the vacant stares.  We've seen the potential.  We've seen the resilience.  We've seen children working so hard to learn and to grow.  We've seen the hands that just need to be held.  We've seen the babies who need to be picked up and cuddled.  We've seen the ones who just need someone to see them and to love them.  So, what will we do now?  How do we respond now?  I don't know yet.  I'm trying to advocate for children with visual impairments.  I'm serving as a resource for some agencies for parents who are interested in children with albinism.  We are sponsoring a child at the wonderful organization Bethel China.  We are contributing financially to other families' adoption journeys.  We are praying for the children and the families.  Is it enough?  I just don't know.  I don't think I'll ever feel the same way again though.  I can't forget about the children in China  - and so many other places - who just need a chance to be loved.

 

I guess for now, we'll just continue to do these things and to love the three precious gifts God has given us. 

The three pieces of my heart...

 







Happy Easter and Early Spring!

9 months!!

As of today, Emily has been a part of our family for 9 months. 

She has changed all of our lives for the better and is growing and changing and

learning so much every day!

March 12th

At 9:30 p.m. on Wednesday, March 12, 2014, we received a phone call that changed our lives.  It was our agency representative and she had locked a file for us.  It was the file she “just had a very strong feeling” would be on the list that night.  It was the file of a little girl with albinism.  We had been told that her file might appear - if it was somehow meant to be - and we had wildly researched and read and discussed albinism during the prior two days.  My hands were shaking as I held the phone.  The emailed file that was about to be sent could be our daughter. At 9:48 p.m., we saw her face (in pictures) for the first time. 

We quickly scanned the file and I knew…she was the one.  She was big and healthy and beautiful and was meeting all expected milestones.  Even better, she was smiling and her eyes were sparkling!  (rare in orphanage pictures).  I knew what the doctor would say when we sent her file to him.  And, he did.  “Go get her!” he wrote to me.  And …about three months later, we did.

("Adoption Day" and now pics)

The night we first saw those baby pictures seems so long ago now in some ways.  Our youngest son calculated (using his new kindergarten math skills!) that we’ve now had Emily for 257 days (since “gotcha”).  It sometimes seems like even longer.  Even though we lived our life as a family of four for 5 1/2 –plus years before Emily came, it’s getting more and more difficult to remember what our lives were like before she joined our family. 

We talked the other night about how nervous we were when we said “yes” to her file.  It was a big step.  But, now it seems silly to have worried.  She is wonderful and sweet and smart and incredible (do I sound like her Mama?) and we feel so very lucky and so very grateful that she has assimilated so easily into our lives and into our family.  Once she decided to love us, she never looked back.  When her brother fell out of a chair and cried (comical scene at a restaurant) the other night, she run to hug him and patted his back saying “OK, OK” over and over again.  She stands at the glass door to our garage whenever family members leave and she holds her fingers in the sign language “I love you” sign and she sings “love, love, love, love, love, love” until they drive away.  She’s the only one who still comes charging down the hall, arms open wide, yelling “Mama!” or “Dada!” when we come home from work.  She is speaking English like any other recently-turned-two year old and she says “MYself, MYself” for most tasks because she wants to try it by herself.  She has a great ear for music and has taken up where her brothers left off years ago in a love for Thomas the Train (good thing we never got rid of that stuff!).  She demands “choo choo songs” to be sung until she falls asleep at night.  Sometimes she wakes up the night or from a nap and says “hi” in a slow drawn-out way and in the sweetest voice in the world.  Her new thing is to yell "Come ON!" whenever people are dawdling in their response to whatever she has requested.  I am sometimes still in awe that this precious child is my daughter and that we’ve been given the privilege and opportunity to be her parents and family. 

Everything changed for us last March 12^th.  We will never forget that night or how we felt when we first saw Emily’s face.  It was an amazing, scary, overwhelming, wonderful, crazy night.  We had no idea then how much joy she would bring to our lives, the loving/caring side she would bring out in our boys, the fun and comedy she would insert into our family routines, the sweetness she would show to animals and to her teachers, the huge heart she would have, the quick wit she would possess, or the resilience she would show at having her whole life uprooted and taken away and changed all at once.  March 12^th will always be a special day in the life of our family. 

It's the day we found our daughter!