First doctor's appointment and MY HEART KNOWS THAT SHE IS MY DAUGHTER

I took Em to her first appointment with a pediatrician last Friday. We were there for almost 3 hours, but she handled it pretty well. We had the regular exam, updated 18-month vaccinations (5 shots!), and then the "routine" international adoption blood work. That part was THE WORST. They had to stick her in 4 different locations to get veins/blood to fill all of the vials. Poor Emily was screaming and shuddering as I held her. I could think only two things: (1) what is she thinking as she sobs "Mama" and this Mama is pinning her down while people stick needles into her arms and hands; and (2) how thankful am I that this is JUST a pediatrician's visit and JUST routine blood work and nothing she'll likely have to have done again - which is not the case for so many other children - both adopted and otherwise. I can barely imagine what parents of chronically ill children feel when they see their children poked and prodded and pricked with needles and other medical devices far too often. Emily sweated through her clothes and cried buckets (see below), but we survived. She was asleep before I cranked the car to head home!

 

And if there was any good (other than the results of the exam) to the appointment, it was this:  as she cried and sobbed while they stuck her for shots and blood draws, I cried with her - just as I have in the past with Jackson and Graham.  And, it struck me then that she IS my daughter - just the same as they are my sons.  I love her and I'm her mom and I feel sad when she is sad.  My brain "knew" she was my daughter before that day at the pediatrician's office, but my HEART really FELT it as I held her and cried with her that day.

Sad, pitiful face here as we prepared to finally leave:



In good news, she is in GREAT shape (not a surprise to me).  She is in the 78th percentile for weight (for an 18 month old - using the US charts) and the 81st percentile for height.  Really unheard of in an adoptee from China (or many other places for that matter)!!  Her skin looks good, her ears are clear, and her blood work was all in normal ranges.  She is developmentally on target and (in my humble opinion) is (as my grandmother used to say) a smart cookie.  She has learned about 12-15 English words in 3 weeks and understands even more.  The doctor and others who saw her couldn't believe she was recently adopted and couldn't believe how great she looks.

Even more important to us than her weight and height and blood work being normal is that she talks to us and responds to us and tries to make us laugh and engages us, and cries for us and cries to get her way and cries when she is hurt or sad.  Sadly, some children who are "raised" in orphanages do not immediately respond to their new parents and have long stopped crying for help or when they are sad.  It's a terrible "learned" response to a lack of response from caregivers.  If nobody comes when you cry, you eventually just stop crying.  I've seen the heartbreaking videos taken by other parents at orphanages in baby rooms where there is almost total silence because the babies have learned to give up on crying. 

 

Emily has regressed a little sleep-wise, but maybe we can blame the 5 shots and blood work for that.  She needs me to lie down beside her at bedtime and she needs me to pick her up a couple of times a night and/or to sleep next to her for the last few hours before morning.  She slept soundly in China, so this is a change.  It's difficult to imagine, though, how MUCH she has had to change in 3 weeks.  She has had to adjust to a totally different time zone than the one she had been on for her WHOLE life and she has seen so many different people and things and has experienced more in 3 weeks than any of us probably ever have (in a similar comparison).  For now, I'm going to coddle her and pick her up and lie with her.  (For those who know me well, I'm sure you're thinking, "Oh no!  Here she goes again!"- since you know I slept in Graham's room for 5 years (yes - I'm a softie))  She can't be treated, for now, like a "regular" child who has grown up in a loving home -- even though she came from a loving orphanage setting.  She needs to learn to trust us and to rely upon us and to believe that we will always come and will always meet her needs and will always help her when she needs us and will always love her.  It's a process - even though we are leaps and bounds ahead of most adoptive parents due to Emily's unique and wonderful orphanage setting. 

 

Here are some pictures from LATER on the doctor visit day.  Back to being the happy, curious, funny girl:

 

 

 

 

So, we continue to find our rhythm as a family of five and to make Emily feel as special and precious as she is.  As I was lying beside her tonight and singing a (made up) song about "night night," she put her hands on my face and said "night night" and then poked me in the eye and said "eye."  She truly is "fearfully and wonderfully made."  She is an incredible gift and I feel so grateful that we get to be her family!

 

Here is a little video of our crazy dinner table singing a "Happy" song for Emily (whenever she hears it now, she does the same dance). 

 

She was our "ONE MORE PIECE." 
Our puzzle is complete.