One week later...

One week ago today, we nervously paced in our hotel room as we wondered about how our lives were about to change.  We knew that life as we knew it would never be the same again, but we weren't sure whether that big change would be for the better or for the worse.  We hoped and prayed for "the better," but we would be lying if we said we didn't worry about "the worse" or about whether we could successfully merge another person into our family.  Could we love someone else and still be able to show as much love to the boys?  Could we handle rejection by our soon-to-be daughter? Or her utter despair or  vacant stares or total shut-down?  Could we meet her needs? 

A phone call from our guide interrupted our thoughts and frenzy.  "Your baby is here," she said.  We got into the elevator, fired up the video camera, took deep breaths, and stepped out into the hotel lobby.  And there she was.  A chubby little white-haired toddler chasing a balloon around seemingly without a care in the world.  That is until her orphanage lady said, "there's mama."  Then, she screamed "No!" and ran toward the door.  They pulled her back into the lobby and tried to hand her to us. She wanted none of it and tried to get away again.  Finally, after they gave us and our guide the necessary paperwork and some quick information on her daily routine, they thrust that little girl into my arms and made a run for their waiting car.  They weren't trying to be mean.  They just thought a quick departure would be better than a slow, agonizing one.  As they left, Emily's screams began to escalate.  She screamed and cried and bucked and kicked and sobbed.  She was confused and scared and sad.  She called for her nanny and to go back outside.  She stood by the window and shuddered and moaned.  In her 18 month old way, she called for and cried for the life she had known until about 30 minutes before. 

 

 

And now here we are one week later...

This same little girl picks me out in a crowd and calls me "Mama."  She comes to me when she hurts herself.  She puts bowls on her head to make us laugh.  She offers some of her puffs to us.  She trusts us to feed, bathe, clothe, and love her.  She has learned that when I come to get her from her crib, I'll kiss her toes and so she raises her toes when she sees me coming.  She raises her arms to us and uses the Chinese word for "hug."  She smiles and giggles and shows us new tricks every day.  She reaches to hold our hands when she walks.  She has learned to say "hello" and "bye bye" and "more" (and "no") in our language.  This same little girl who cried so hard last Sunday took almost an hour to go to sleep tonight because she kept popping up in her crib to say "Mama - mmmm-wah (kissing sound)!" as she shoved different body parts up to my lips for kisses. She also drank a bottle on her Daddy's chest, periodically stopping to smile.  

 

Although I know that there will inevitably be tough times ahead and our "re-entry" to home and our new version of family won't necessarily be easy, I am so grateful that we didn't let our fears hold us back from this adventure.  Emily is an incredible blessing and so very worthy of love.