One week home

One week later… but it seems, in some ways, like we’ve been home longer than that.  Life moves more quickly here than it did in China.  Lots more to do: clothes to wash, lunches to pack, house to (kind of) clean, activities to go to.  Justin mentioned that although we missed the boys terribly and were sometimes feeling a little “Groundhog Day-ish” while we were in China, life was easier on our trip because somebody cleaned our room, cooked our food, scheduled our activities, and drove us place to place.  We didn’t really have that much to do other than to bond with our girl and enjoy the ride.  We are definitely still enjoying the ride here.  But, this “ride” requires us to pump the gas and drive.

Emily is doing AMAZINGLY well.  We were prepared (or at least we said/thought we were) for possible scenarios after returning home.  We read the books, took the online classes, listened to our agency reps and social worker, and followed religiously the blogs and stories of other parents who have adopted from China.  Understandably, most “re-entries” are not necessarily smooth.  Some children have a “honeymoon” period in China and then really begin to grieve for their old life when they get “home” to their new country.  Some children have eating or sleeping issues – or both.  Some cling to their new parents for dear life – in fear of that every new thing is temporary and that they may soon be given over to new caregivers.   And there are a host of other documented and normal-under-the-circumstances reactions.  We thought we would be ready to handle whatever happened, but the same spunky Emily who emerged in China after her long hours of sobbing on “gotcha day” has been the child we’ve seen since coming home.  She is funny and energetic and smart and curious (and I’m obviously biased).  She asks for hugs, but isn’t overly clingy.  She loves when her brothers come home and gets so excited that she dances when they are around.  She willingly sits in highchairs and car seats if brothers are around (two things she would not do in China).  She loves to play and to roll around on our rugs (maybe she only experienced hard tile floors (that we saw in her orphanage) for her first 18 months and the rugs provide a great, soft area to roll and giggle).  She loves to go outside and walk around the yard or go through the neighborhood in her stroller urging me to run faster and faster so that she can put her feet up in the air and yell “wooo!” (see below):

She has learned a lot of English words in our almost-three-weeks with her:  ball, up, on, off, toes, knee, shoe, close, cup, top, one, two, cracker, and – of course – NO!  She learns quickly and remembers where she is in the house and how to get to other rooms.  I think her receptive language is probably much greater than her English vocabulary.  I asked her to hand me something in the car today, and she picked up the thing I asked for and passed it my way.  She wanted to go outside this afternoon and I absentmindedly said, “Well, we have to find our shoes first.”  When I turned around, she was picking her little shoes up off the floor to bring them my way.   When we say "dance Emily," she dances her feet and twirls.  (Our "trained seal" as my mom would have said). She still has some meltdowns and screams when frustrated, but I think much of that is being an 18-month-old vs. being newly adopted.  The few adoption-related things I see are: (1) she is TERRIFIED of our dog (a nice, older Lab who is great with kids); (2) she doesn’t like the neighborhood pool and just whines and cries when taken to the pool, (3) she seemingly doesn’t know how to play with and has no interest in typical toddler toys. 

 

The toy thing is interesting.  She was very well taken care of and very loved (which is great and we are reaping the benefits now) , but I didn’t see many toys in her orphanage.  I think she played mostly outside or maybe with “household” items like bowls, spoons, etc…  Since coming home, she has learned to play with blocks and bigger Legos and balls, but she prefers pots and bowls and Tupperware containers to our house full of toys.  She likes to play and will try to engage us or her brothers in her play, but she – so far – wants nothing to do with books (we will work on this), dolls, puzzles, or any of the (too many) plastic toys filling up our basement and main level of the house.  So, we’ve had sort of Montessori-esque playtime so far.  We’ve filled a baby tub with water and floated measuring cups and small bowls.  We’ve stacked and knocked over Tupperware.  We’ve banged pot lids together.  And, tonight, she enjoyed about 30 minutes of toting around a Target bag with a diaper inside.  She balled it up and stuffed the bag into pots and bowls and she “wore” the bag like a purse and pranced. 

She really just "fits" with us.  Justin commented the other day that a shrinking violet sort of girl or a quiet, tentative one might not fare as well in a busy household with two big brothers and lots of activity.  Emily just seems to "get" us though.  She puts bowls on her head to make us laugh and then wants us to put the bowls on our heads.  She gives tight hugs.  She giggles.  She dances and sings in the tub.  She isn't afraid to splash big brothers or to tell them (loudly) NO!  And, what sealed the deal was when Graham was bending over to fix something on his shoe the other night and she sidled up to him, bent over, put her bottom up near his and started shaking it and laughing.   When Jackson described a dance party session at one of his summer camps and started singing and re-enacting it at supper (nothing formal at our house!), Emily raised her arms in her high chair and started in with her own dance moves.  She truly was meant for us.   She just has a happy, funny personality that is the perfect "fit" for our family.  See the happy girl here:

 

And happy with her brothers:

I am still working to figure out a routine for us.  It still feels a little strange to me to be home.  This week has brought us lower humidity weather, so we’ve been able to enjoy being outside more than might normally be the case in July in our town.  We’ve strolled and walked through the yard and have picked flowers, examined leaves, looked at berries (which go straight toward her mouth), pulled up grass and watched it blow away in the breeze, and strolled all over.  We’ve played on playgrounds and tried the sandbox.  We’ve laid down in the grass to look up at trees and leaves.  Time is very slow for us and maybe that makes me think too much.   Maybe because this is my “last” look at life through the eyes of a toddler, I feel wistful for the years that have already passed with my boys.  I know we did similar things years ago, but when I was home with them on maternity leave, they were infants.  This is a little different.  I have found myself feeling a little sad for what has already faded into memory with my boys.  Graham finishes at his school tomorrow and that feels like the end of an era – even though Emily will also go there in a few months.  Graham has loved his school – as did Jackson before him.  And we have loved this school and the teachers who have become our friends.  Graham will miss his friends, but he doesn’t seem sad or scared about moving on to kindergarten.  It’s just me – the one who cries over change – who feels weepy about this milestone.  Boys don’t really want to look at leaves or flowers anymore and that’s fine and normal.  I just wish – sometimes – that I could slow it all down for all of us.  But, life doesn’t usually work that way.  Years pass into new years in a series of drop-offs, pick-ups, dashes to sports games and practices, and homework.  The chubby babies I once had are lean, muscular boys.  The basement full of toys sometimes feels too small for them now.   And I looked at our “fort”/swing set today from the window and wondered if they are now “too big” for such things.  I remember reading an article by Anna Quinlan one time where she was leafing through old photographs and noted that she wished she could remember how her children smelled that day and how it felt to brush their tangled hair.  I felt that way today as I went around examining little things with Emily.  Like I had one foot in a place with her while I watched the tide slowly going out in another place.  Maybe having a toddler around again has just made me realize the need to enjoy the little things more and to use my time wisely.   Not always easy – especially when life “gets started” again with school, return to work, etc…

So – sorry for the crazy detour in the paragraph above!  Here are some pictures of our first week at home:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 This next one was just after I found her ripping photographs off of the wall...

 Little ride-on toy she and I found at Goodwill!

 

 And every girl needs a good Target summer (clearance) chair!

 

 And a brother to pull her in a Lego Duplo wagon:

 A mouthful of toast...

 Followed up by some edamame