Orphanage Visit

We had waffled about whether to do an orphanage visit.  In the adoption groups on Facebook, the overwhelming majority of people recommended doing the visit.  Most people feel that while the visit may be difficult for the child who has just been taken from there and left with new people, it is the family's one chance to see where their child lived, slept, ate, played - and their one chance to meet the caregivers and see the circumstances that have shaped their child to date.  We didn't want Emily to feel more sad and confused, but we also wanted to be able to tell her -- one day down the road -- about where she lived.   So, we went...

 

The ride was about 2 hours each way (better than we expected) and the countryside was really beautiful.  We saw lush rice areas, mountains, trees, plants, lakes, etc... that we can't see from our "home base" in the hotel in Nanchang.  We arrived at her orphanage around 11 a.m.  It was re-built as a new building in 2008 or 2009 and our guide had not seen the "new" building.  It is quite nice and is built in sort of a horseshoe shape with a courtyard in the middle and covered walkways between buildings. On one end is a playground/exercise area.  The facility has two stories.  One story on one side is for children and the top story is for offices/meeting rooms.  The other parts of the horseshoe shape are rooms for older people who live there.  It is very literally a "social welfare institution."  The old people we met could care for themselves, but needed - for whatever reasons - to live in a welfare institution.  The grounds were well-kept and the courtyard was very green and pretty.  

 

A bigger shock to us (although we had heard that the orphanage part of the place was "small") was that Emily was THE ONLY CHILD there.  There was a little boy who was adopted several months ago, but (said the director) the largest number of children the institution has ever had is 20 and more typically, just 7 or fewer.   The boy who was adopted was reportedly very ill with a heart condition (and happily is now with his forever family), so Emily was the only really "mobile" child there.  As such, she was totally doted upon by the old people and had her run of the place.   She slept in the baby room until the boy was adopted and then slept with her caregiver who has a separate room at the facility as the "guard" for the place. It was she who found Emily abandoned outside her window in January 2013.  As soon a we got out of the van, the older people swarmed Emily and she ran all over the place. Apparently she sometimes went up to the office and played there with the Director and assistants. She sometimes spent the day with an older lady and man who we're orphans who met and later married and now live there and help with the old people. She ate food in all the rooms (they stuffed her with fruit and candy today too) and went outside all the time. (She wakes up every morning in the hotel demanding to go outside - and now we know why).   She played along the walkways and rode in the wheelchairs and on scooters with residents.  She ate whatever they cooked and they fed her "adult" foods that not every toddler has experienced.   The orphanage leaders took us to a local restaurant for a wonderful 10+ course meal of various local dishes (spicy noodles and meats (goose, lamb, tofu, fish) and vegetables).  As we ate, the workers and other older people who had come along passed Emily from person to person and she ate off of all of their plates and chopsticks. She ate noodles, rice, dumplings, beans, grapes, vegetables, spicy peppers, etc...  Girlfriend can put away some food!!  They all raved about how smart she is. They clearly loved her. They sang and danced with her in the restaurant.  She was the queen bee for sure. 

 

A totally different experience for a child than I think 99 percent of adoptive parents have for their orphanage visit.  Emily was so loved and doted upon and happy that we found ourselves asking each other - on the way back - whether we are really helping her in the way we had hoped.  I guess, though, even a very good situation like Emily's is not the same as being a part of a family or having a "home."  We are grateful for the excellent care Emily received.  We are going to have to work on some things with her so that she doesn't think that she can get her way just by pitching a fit (as it seems might have been the case at her orphanage). 

 

She cried hard when we left and then fell asleep in the van. After she woke up, she was the same with us as she had been before:  somewhat OK with me and tolerant of Justin (but doesn't like him to hold her yet) and willing to smile at some things and to try to make us laugh, but randomly sad at other times.  I don't feel like there was any harm done by going back to her orphanage.  She enjoyed the day and the outing and, while we were there at lunch, she came to me several times and said "mama" - even though others held her more. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All in all, I'm glad we went.  We have pictures and memories to share with her and the orphanage gave us additional parts of her file and lots of information and stories about her.  When we got back to the hotel, she demanded (as always) to go outside.  So, I stuffed her into a stroller -- with her screaming all the while -- and then we got outside and she loved it (see below pictures).  (This girl has spent most of her life outside on the pretty grounds of the orphanage.  She stands at the hotel windows yelling words at us that we found out today mean "go outside" in her local dialect).  We are getting daily workouts with her.  (It's also funny to see people on the streets watching these crazy Americans being pulled down the road by a tiny blonde toddler). 

8 more days...  We are very ready to go home to the boys.  We miss them terribly!